Saturday, November 13, 2010

Stress Relief or...

Well, here I am, almost one week since my moms double mastectomy. I thought that this week was going to be a hell week, but I have been pleasantly surprised. It has been tough, don't get me wrong, but I certainly don't feel the super tension and stress I've been going through in the past few weeks.

I feel like a big weight, stress wise, has been lifted off my shoulders. Even though this is not the end of the road in mom's cancer journey. But chemo and radiation don't scare me, we've been there before, I know what to expect. There is a new kind of stress or unrest that has been added. I now have to run for everything for my mom. She cannot cook for herself, she cannot bathe herself, do her own hair, put on her own socks, sometimes her own clothes or jacket. She cannot open her medication bottles, get a glass of water if the glass is still in the cupboard, make her own coffee or drive anywhere by herself. This is where I come in. It was certainly nice to not have to go to school and work for the first few days she was home from the hospital, but this past friday I had to be at school for 11:10, stay there till 3:20, come home and get ready to be at work for 5:15. So before I can go I need to make sure someone will be at the house with mom while I am gone, I need to get her dressed, fed and medicated before I can go anywhere. After that there needs to be someone here to fill in for me.

Don't get me wrong, I love taking care of my mom. As a matter of fact, I would sooner jump up to help her with whatever she needs rather then write a paper that is now over a week late. Here in lies my problem, I need to write this paper, but my mind doesn't want to focus. Here I sit, writting on my blog rather then writing the remaining 2 pages of my paper. This is more of a stress release, more "entertaining" and less of a mental block. I thought I would write here in order to get the creative juices flowing and hopefully finish the dreaded paper only to have to write another that was due on monday. So I am not sure if I am relieved or stressed now, I feel like I can sleep, all the time, perhaps catching up on the loss of sleep from previous weeks. Or is it because I subconsciously feel stressed from needing to get homework done. Who knows, this is the million dollar question. One I would like an answer to, and will likely not find till the end of the semester, unfortunately.

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