Monday, August 20, 2012

A lot can happen in one year...

I decided I should take a look at my blog and see where I had last left off. I didn't realize I had not written in over a year. And wow, so much has happened. Besides the turbulent relationship I had with Manuel that officially ended in February of this year, I started school again (for a semester). Along with all the work that goes with Masters level education and my then "can't let you go" on-again-off-again boyfriend I was headed for a major meltdown. So I ended up taking the next semester of school off, to recuperate. 

Manuel had trouble letting me go, I did too, but even when I would finally say no more, he would pop back into my life with an email or something. I tried blocking him, I tried everything but somehow we always stayed in contact. Talk about desperate (on my part). Needless to say, in the beginning of March 2012, I decided I didn't need a man in my life. I was 36, I had lived this long without a significant other, I could continue on in life without one. This time, with God's help, I actually really let go and moved on. Actually happy to be single. It was such a relief. 

Now, you know how when you've had a bad breakup or your single and everyone around you isn't and you're desperate to be like everyone else "HAPPY" (at least in your mind)? And your loved ones tell you that when you stop looking that's when you will find him/her? I have heard that a million times, and I thought everyone was full of it. BUT.....its true. 2 weeks into my newly happy and single life I met Andrew, the son of my mom and step-dad's neighbors. It was the strangest thing too, cause I totally thought Andrew was a dork, but he had other thoughts about me. Because I am nice (haha) I went with him on a walk by the lake, being me, not somebody trying to impress a boy. I told him about my failed relationship, and how I was never getting into another one. I was happy being single and staying that way. He, sorta like me, was also not totally interested in finding another relationship either, just a friend. He had baggage and just wanted to stay single. This is where God's sense of humor came in, because with-in a week of that conversation Andrew and I started dating. Officially on March 25. 4 weeks later Andrew got a job in Steinbach and moved in with me. (Gasp, yes, we lived together.) On May 11 we got engaged, and on August 11 Andrew and I got married. So, in one year I went from a broken engagement to being the wife of my best friend:) God is so amazing. 

With my happiness fully in tact, I hope to get back to doing the things I love. Creating. I want to work on my cake decorating, my crocheting and perhaps a little writing :) I'll keep you updated...

"For I know the plans I have for" Declares the Lord "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Monday, July 25, 2011

Keeping it Local

Hey all, here is an article I sent in to our local newspaper and to our Mayor. Though I am a pretty serious social activisit, or so I like to think, I have come across the double edged sword of the need for bigger corporations to come into our city in order to keep our shopping local. Read on and you can see what I mean by that. Your comments are certainly appreciated.

The Article:

As a member of this beautiful city and as a contributor to the work force in our community I have become deeply concerned at the state of local consumerism. Our city council has urged us to buy local, to support our city and the businesses within it. This is something I would certainly do, and do if I can actually get what I am looking for here in Steinbach.

I work at Reitmans in the Clearspring Mall. Countless times a day we have customers come into the store and ask “do you carry this or that? Do you know where I can get it?” And for many of those questions, we have to sadly say they will need to go to Winnipeg to get what they need. And with that, they often choose to leave behind what they would have purchased in our store and decide to purchase it in one of our bigger, more stocked stores in Winnipeg, since they “have to go there anyway.”

This brings me to the discussion of Wal-Mart coming to Steinbach. Now, as a person who is socially aware and wants to promote social awareness this thought is certainly a double-edged sword for me. Yes, Wal-Mart has many controversial work ethics surrounding it. Yes, the clothing they supply is likely made in the slave trade. At the same time, it is a corporation like Wal-Mart, if brought into Steinbach that could help make our city thrive. Besides the obvious employment opportunities, a big store like Wal-Mart actually helps with growth in other stores also. For example, the store I work in right now can only offer so much in product because we are a “small store” for our chain. We don’t generate enough in customer walk-ins to carry all the same product the bigger stores within our chain do in Winnipeg. If we get a store like Wal-Mart, we can build a bigger box store near the Wal-Mart because we are then guaranteed the customer base that is generated by those going to Wal-Mart and we can carry more product in our store which stops customers from having to head to Winnipeg. The same could likely be said for Bluenotes, Warehouse One and Mark’s Work Wearhouse. It also generates the possibility of more stores moving in because of the bigger customer base generated and not just clothing stores. This is a possibility for all stores. Steinbach’s existing stores should not feel threatened by a big store like Wal-Mart moving in, but rather see it as a way of “keeping it local”. Even for those who refuse to shop at Wal-Mart, they still don’t have to shop there, but they will notice growth in the stores they like to shop at because of it.

We now have the problem of people buying in Winnipeg because it is there they can get everything they need. We are in a time of “save money, fewer stops, less store to store shopping” and that sends Steinbachers to Winnipeg to get all they need, rather than buying what they can get here in the city and getting the rest in Winnipeg. Don’t we rather want to keep it all in Steinbach? Don’t we rather want to generate more employment opportunities for our growing population? We need to find a way to cater to ALL people who live in our community.

The same idea goes with bringing in the Boston Pizza or a hotel/convention center. Yes, our city is holding a referendum in October to allow for alcohol to be served in lounge settings which could then decide whether these businesses can move into Steinbach or not. Saying no to this will harm us employment wise, it will harm us growth wise also. Saying yes will not bring out all the alcoholics of the world. It will not promote drinking in excess. That stuff happens regardless of the outcome of the referendum. Saying yes can only benefit our city. We are keeping it local; we are bringing in more business, creating more jobs and adding potential for much more growth. Don’t we want that for our city? Don’t we want that for ourselves? This is a city that was built on faith values. Opening doors for growth brings in more people, more people to see our faith in action, to see the message presented. Allowing for alcohol to be served in sports lounges or at a hotel does not go against those faith values. There are rules and regulations that are set in place to control consumption in venues such as that. Like I said earlier, the bad apples will still show up in the basket, regardless of how careful we are. Our city had no problem having beer gardens throughout the weekend festivities of Summer in the City. And no referendum was needed for that. So let’s look at the big picture, what can we do to grow our city? What can we do to promote employment? What can we do to keep it local? Just some food for thought.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011


Purpose is what gets us up in the morning. Purpose is what takes us through the day. Purpose is what has us drop wearily into bed at night to rejuvinate for another day filled with purpose.

I lack purpose right now.

Or at the very least I lack the understanding of what my purpose is right in this moment. For the past several months I had purpose, or so I thought. With that taken away now I am lost, no map, no knowledge of where I am and where I should be heading. Without God carrying me right now, I would be a mess. I have so many possibilities in the works, but no answers. As my friend Jordan and I were discussing the other day "being in limbo sucks."

In the past several weeks I have had my moments. Moments of pure bliss, happy to know that God is carrying me through and walking me away from what would have been a miserable life. I've had moments of complete and utter sadness. Sad because I just want it to be my turn. Sad because of my lack of purpose. Sad because I see things I would like that seem to be far from reach. Then there are moments of anger. Angry at being played for a fool. Angry at myself for letting my guard down and allowing it to happen, allowing myself to be vulnerable. Angry that I get sad. Is this normal?? I know that when tragic events happen people go through stages of healing. I'm not sure my situation is 'tragic', but is this healing?

I've learned some things about myself in the past several weeks also. I have learned that sometimes what I always thought I wanted is not all it's cracked up to be. At the same time, it can be better. (I'm holding out for the better.) I've learned that no matter what, people cannot change who God made me to be and I do not have to be someone I am not just to please others. Standing up for me is ok and actually feels good. It is okay to hold out for the better, and set your standards high. Someone will hopefully meet that standard and if not, God is always way higher then any standard you set and so He will always be there hanging on, and He should always be a part of your set standard.

So, though my frustration levels grow and wane through these weeks. Though my purpose seems lost at the moment I am holding tight to the only 'perfect man' there will ever be. Allowing Him to carry me over the threshold of love. Being the bride of Christ is the only bride I need to be. Living and giving my all for God is the only purpose I need. My friends are the angels along this path of unsureness who hold me up and clap and cheer while I run this track I am on right now. My purpose right now is one foot in front of the other...

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Picking up the Pieces

Well, today is day seven. I have made it through a week without too many battle scars. It has been a rough week, and of course not without tears. But I am stronger for it. Stronger in who I am and most importantly stronger in my faith and relationship with God. I could so easily have drifted down the path of severe depression (a place, unfortunately, I know all too well), but rather chose to take the hard road. I fought through it, knowing that with God carrying me I would only get stronger.
I am proud of myself for how I handled things. I was angry at first, but didn't lash out in any horrific way. I wrote an email that appologized for any bad behaviour and said that I was praying for him and wished God's blessing on him. It was not accepted that day, but on Monday night we had a long conversation on MSN (so I could translate everything into Spanish). It started as "Theresa did everything wrong" thing and I was about to sign off when I got an apology. I was shocked. Not that it made me go running back with open arms, because that won't happen, but it made me realize that maybe in time we can at least be friends.
I still have hard times where it seems I can think of nothing else but with God's help I am slowly working on thinking of other things, focusing my attention on more important issues such as finding a job and making money to pay off my schooling. Or perhaps follow my previous dream and continue on into graduate studies. The possibilities are endless. Thanks friends for helping keep my afloat with your prayers and words of encouragement you truly are gifts from God. I love you.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Sadness and a New Beginning

How fitting that my last post was titled happiness and this post is sadness. For all the happiness I talked about in my last post I have equal amounts of sadness now. The sadness comes as a result of love lost.

Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life, I ended my engagement and relationship with Manuel. In the past two months he became a very different person then the one I fell in love with. It's like an alter ego took over his body or something. A night and day difference in his personality from when he left here till he got home. I wonder if he flew through the Bermuda Triangle? I cannot even really explain it. The past 2 months should have been an exciting time of wedding planning but rather it was miserable and full of arguments. Now, I expected the arguments to come, no relationship is without a spat here and there, especially in a situation such as mine where we have major cultural differences. For the most part I gave in to a lot changes Manuel wanted me to make in regards to what I always dreamed of for my wedding. It ended up becoming Manuel's wedding and I was just showing up. I never knew there gave such a thing as groomzilla but in this case there does. I also found that slowly he was trying to change me into a complete different person, and I was letting it happen. He didn't like this about me or that about me and I tried my darndest to change everything I could. But slowly I began to realize I was not me anymore, and what Manuel wanted me to be was never going to happen. He wanted me to become completely Latino, forget everything Canadian about me. He lied to me about many things I realized and I just knew that I needed to stop this madness. This bi-polar roller coaster that I was riding on. I never knew anymore what I could say to him that would make him laugh or freak out.

Now, after taking a day to look back at the past several months I can't believe I was so blinded, that I was such a fool. How did I not see this? I was so in love that I was willing to do anything and this is what happens to me. I started to see things in a different light when a week and a half ago he accused me of not having a relationship with God. He said I didn't know God and that I shouldn't talk about Him because I didn't care anyway. Thats when I started to really realize that I could not be stuck in this relationship. We did patch things up for a week and a bit, but then yesterday it all came to an end. This time it was about money and once again me being at fault for everything. I am willing to take blame when I need to, and I am positive I have not been perfect in this relationship but I do know that someone else needs to take part of that blame and he was not willing to. Everything was my fault.

Now, I am not writing this to tell the world what a horrible person Manuel is, I am writing this as a sort of therapy as well as a way of telling my side of the story. Like I said, I know I am to blame for a good part of what went wrong in this relationship. Maybe I didn't pray about it enough or I didn't try hard enough or got angry when I misunderstood something. Maybe its the sociologist in me that had me fighting for my rights from day one and didn't like being told what to do by a man. But one thing I know for sure, we could not go on the way we were.

I have learned that I will never take my single life for granted anymore. I will never look at a couple and wish I was like them. I agree with Paul now, being single is better. You can't get hurt. I have loved and lost. I have been hurt bad, I never want to go through that again. I never want to make myself so vulnerable that I can be hurt like that. I have realized that there is no one out there for me, and I am okay with that. I am the bride of Christ and that is the only bride I need to be.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011


Well, I certainly never thought that "Happiness" could ever be the title of a blog post for me. Unless I was using it in a negative term. But I mean it in the true sense of the word. I am happy. I am in love, I am planning a wedding, I love my family, and most of all I love God for carrying me this far. Life is plain good right now.
I appologize for not writing sooner, but I have been busy with Manuel here only for 3 and half weeks. I am already dreading his departure on May 6, its going to be a tough day. I am hoping that my lovely friend Felicia's blog giveaway will fall into my hands so I can use that to cheer me up:)
It is so hard to believe that school is done, I feel as busy if not busier then I did when I was in school. Only no deadlines. We have our venue booked, before Manuel leaves we will have the food decided on. We have our invitations done (thank you Staples for invitation kits:) Well, we still need to make invites for our Peruvian family and friends that will likely not come to the wedding. I am thinking I will make those in Spanish, it would be cool to see them in another language. Thats another thing I need to do before October, learn a lot of Spanish, my entire new family only speaks Spanish. It's going to be a blast. Well, I think thats all for now. I will be back, with more to say I am sure. Till next time...

Monday, April 4, 2011

House sitting and homework

So, the past week has been very long for me. On the 25th of March my brother, sister-in-law and 2 nieces headed out on a missions trip to Costa Rica for 12 days. I have been house/dog sitting for them during this time and I learned a few things about myself while here. Number One - I am allergic to dog hair. I have been stuffed up and sneezing since day 2 of being here and as soon as I am away from the house for more then a couple of hours it seems to clear up. Number Two -  I love my bed. I think most people do, but I think I really LOVE my bed. I can't believe how much I have missed it. I wanted to go home just to lie in my bed for a bit, I think it misses me as much as I miss it. Number Three - I really am a neat freak, or clean freak, or both. I will just leave it at that so as not to insult anyone.
This week will hopefully go faster then the last one. This is the last week of classes, I am pretty pumped about that. I have almost all of my assignements done except for 2 that due for a class at the end of this week. After the week is over I need prepare for only 2 exams, and fairly easy ones at that, but most importantly on the 12th the love of my life will be here. I cannot even try to explain how excited I am about this fact. He is only here for 3 weeks so we will have to make the best of it. And hopefully after those 3 weeks, or during those 3 weeks I will have some very exciting news to share...stay tuned.